The Effects of Regret

Someone I used to know very well passed away last week. His passing reminded me of something he once said to me; he liked that I never lived in regret. A few months ago I was in a ministry situation where I saw the effects of regret on someone's life and how debilitating it can be. That person is my husband, Mike. And now the passing of that old friend has brought his words back to me, and I have been thinking about the power of regret again.
     Mike was going through a rough time, and I asked him if I could pray with him. I felt that what Mike was going through was bigger than his circumstances: it was a spiritual battle. As we prayed Mike repented for not believing God for his future and his life. When he did that he said that he felt that he had been going through a lot of confusion. That was key and immediately I prayed that confusion would leave Mike in Jesus' Name, and when I did things became clearer. Confusion had been hiding the truth from something that was holding back Mike's life, and that was "Regret." When the confusion that was clouding Mike's mind was exposed and "evicted" we saw that he had been living in regret. I asked Mike about it and he said that only that week he had been thinking about the past and wondering what would have happened if he had stayed in the Army or gone to nursing school 20 years ago. He also thought about the fact that he has a hard time finishing things. REGRET! He then repented and renounced words he had thought and spoken about his life.
     Through more talking and prayer Mike came to understand that regret came into his life when his dad died when he was little boy. Mike regretted that he never got to say good-bye. He wasn't allowed to go to the hospital. And there it was....his companion became Regret. In regret, Mike was always looking backwards and couldn't "see" his future. Regret stole Mike's future and his destiny. Regret blocks and affects vision. The enemy blocked the future bringing discouragement and defeat. Attached to regret was "Depression." Mike said that he was feeling depressed, too. His Joy was stolen along with Hope. Regret blocks the future with the past. Every day is an effort, mundane and mechanical. There is no hope for change.
     We got excited with this revelation. Regret affects the lives of so many people we know. It is bondage. It alters our vision. As we continued to pray something else was revealed: Memory. After Mike's dad died, he didn't want to remember things. It was too painful. He has spent most of his life blocking out memories which has affected his memory. All of this pain led to Mike using drugs, alcohol, music, etc. to escape the pain of remembering. As we prayed Mike started to remember what he was like before his dad died. He was happy-go-lucky and a straight-A student. Things were easy for him. But after his dad died he changed. Mike's memory problems robbed him of his confidence. He has had to work doubly hard to accomplish anything. Mike repented again. This time for not wanting to remember. He told the Lord that he would trust Him with his memories. He said he would not be afraid to cry and be cleansed of the pain of the past. I then prayed for Mike's restoration. I prayed he would enjoy learning again and would look forward to each day. I prayed that hope and joy would be restored. I prayed for a clear vision of the future. I prayed that Jesus would be his companion.
     The Lord showed us that regret had led to disillusionment, depression, despair, doubt, and defeat--all to rob him of his destiny. Mike's two favorite movies are It's A Wonderful Life and the Alistair Sim version of A Christmas Carol. Both have themes that parallel what Mike has gone through and what he has lived. But instead of being portrayed in black and white, his has been in living color. The effect of regret is real. My prayer today is that if your life has been held back by any type of regret, you will talk to the Lord about it and give it to Him. He wants to set you free from any and all bondage. He wants you to look forward and not backward. Let Jesus be your friend and lead you into your destiny. That is the good news!

Chariots of Fire

It has been a season of accomplishments for our family. Last week I won three silver medals in the SilverArts competition for two paintings and a poem. I then won three gold medals in the Senior Games for the 100m, 200m, and 400m races thereby qualifying for the state games in September. Max was named Most Valuable Long Distance Runner (MVR) for the track team. Earlier this year he won the same award for cross country, too. (Our family has now won it 8 times.) A few days ago we learned that Allegra was one of only two students to score a 4 for the standarized writing test for the entire 10th grade class. So what does all of this mean? In a sense....nothing. But what have we learned from the process? Medals and awards can't begin to tell the story. I wanted to run in order to understand what Paul says in scripture about "running the good race." What exactly does that mean? I now know. I understand the discipline, the training, the pain, the ups and downs of running a race. I can understand now why Paul compares our "walk" with the Lord as running a race. It isn't all smooth and easy, but it is exhilarating. Even when I started to collapse after finishing the 400, as my heart and head were pounding, I was thinking, "I did it!"

When I started training I told the Lord that I wanted to finish my life well. I want to be a good example to my children and grandchildren. I want to age gracefully and proudly. I want to embrace every day of my life. In the movie Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell, who won the Olympic gold and later became a missionary, says: God made me for a purpose. He also made me fast. And when I run I also feel His pleasure." Everyday I want to give God back the pleasure He has given me when I run, paint, write, love people, and enjoy the life He has provided. So when I look at the medals, it isn't about winning. It's about the story.

I'm Going Home

In one week I leave for home. Going home is always a special time for me. I love the place where I was born and raised in a little town called Royersford, near Valley Forge, Pa. My brothers are still in the area as are my cousins and friends. My parents are gone now, so going home is bittersweet without their presence, but the memories keep everyone and everything alive. God has given me His special love for the people and the place. I have a heart to see the people saved, especially the people I grew up with. I have spent my life with them, and I don't want to spend eternity without them.

This time I will be speaking to several churches and groups. God has opened doors for me to share His love. He has a word for the people. And as for me, as Chris Daughtry sings, "I'm going home, to a place where I belong."